| Get Into It! Spring - Summer 2008 |
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“You
know I spanked my kids! I feel that is it a good way to maintain
discipline and fear. I think it is important for children to have a
little fear of their parents to keep them in line, especially with
all the distractions of the outside world. But I only spanked
between the ages of 2 and 10. After that, I was able to talk to them
and implement other forms of discipline that had more meaning to
them.” – Carol Brown, Pickering, Ontario
“My partner and I do not spank our sons (ages 5 and 3). In the early years of parenting, we did smack them with our hand a few times when we were overwhelmed with frustration. But we’ve found physical discipline to be both painful to parent and child. I personally didn’t like seeing the look of shock/horror/pain on my sons’ faces when they were hit. I also felt terribly guilty afterwards as I had planned to never employ corporal punishment. We’ve also found that you have to keep “upping the ante” in order for that sort of discipline to work.” – Lesley Tavernier, Toronto, Ontario
All children are different and take heed to different forms of discipline. Parents are the ones who need to be aware of the limits to their disciplinary actions. I spank my second child far more than I spanked my first child. My first child needed and needs little discipline; he likes to please. My second child has a rebel spirit who tests me often and likes to show off his ability to stand up for himself. I do my best not to spank and use other tools that I have learned in parenting classes, but sometimes that slave master mentality hits me faster than you can say cracker.” – Sheba Storm, Toronto, Ontario
“I am against spanking. I have been for as long as I can remember. First off, I simply find it violent. I also do not have the heart to spank. I feel that, if used, adults send all sorts of mixed messages to children, i.e., that folks who love you also hurt you. That is certainly not the message I’d want to send to any child. Children who are spanked are more inclined to grow into adults who embrace all sorts of abuse from those who claim to love them. I have seen this first hand many times. I am more interested in children learning discipline. To me spanking is all about punishment and has very little, if anything, to do with discipline. Those who spank often do so when stressed/frustrated. From my observation, most black people spank simply because it’s familiar. Then we try to say that it “worked” well as a parenting technique for our parents. Quite frankly, I view spanking as a mild form of lynching. When I do have children, I intend to be around plenty and communicate/dialogue clearly and regularly with them. I am open to methods like time-out. I am in the process of looking at others as well. I am aware that my real test will come when I am a parent. I am open to any method that is grounded in love and teaches the importance of discipline (not punishment) and mutual respect. – Nicole Stovell, Southampton, Bermuda
“As an adult, I do not like to be hit. Why, because my children are smaller than I am, should I be hitting them? It does nothing to support the message that you love them and seek to do nothing but protect them. It just is not working for me. My children do not listen to me any more when I hit them. I am tired and feeling too old to be exerting the energy that it takes to hit a child. Now the belt is history but I let them know that I am no force to be played with, simply by my attitude. Not to mention, because I was hit so much straight up to my teenaged years, it took me into my 30th year of life to understand that it is not okay to hit or be hit, even as adults.” – Adele Wiltshire, Ottawa, Ontario
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CNN Special: Blacks in America
"Somebody who saw that special will be looking at me now, thinking that I am probably pregnant with twins for a man whose name I don’t know and looking to the welfare system to support me because it is obvious that a black man never would, right?!"