| Get Into It! Spring - Summer 2008 |
|
|
| Share |
|
By Michael S. Easterling
Nowhere in our society will you see a larger gathering of Black moms than at a youth sports event. ANY youth sport event. Baseball, football, soccer, hockey and, oh yes…basketball. While dads encourage their youngsters to participate in sports, and even pay for the experience, it’s you moms that do most of the “heavy lifting” when it comes to youth sports. Mothers, this dad is here to back you up. You do a lot: car pooling to practice, comforting after losses, selling candy and, oh yes, going to the games.
Many moms are left to do it alone. Some of you have more than one child playing. Some of you have no clue as to what this whole “sports thing” is all about. Why is it so important? The NFL and NBA are a long shot – almost a million to one. A child faces easier odds of becoming a brain surgeon. And why are some of these athletes used as roles models? Think of sports as something other than what we watch on TV. Millionaires playing a child’s game.
Look at sports as an arena for helping your child develop into a person who can be proud of whom they are as a citizen. If handled well, sports enrich the lives of both parent and child. Here are a few ways to make that happen.
Understand Why Your Child Wants To Play
There are numerous reasons that a child chooses to play sports. These are some of the reasons a few of my friends said their children played organized athletics .
1. “It’s fun” – If your child does not find it fun, you should question why she wants to do it. If she does find it fun, monitor during the season to see if it remains fun for her. Some coaches can take the fun out of it for the kids.
2. “Everyone else is playing” – Even if your son doesn’t know how many players are on a side, he may just want to participate with his friends to be included. He may be just happy to be a part of the team. He may learn that he has more talent or skills, athletic or social, than he knew. If the kids just want to ‘just do it,’ let them.
3. “We get to wear cool jerseys” – Depending on the sport and the budget, some youth sport teams do have nice gear. Hockey has the coolest jerseys, then football. Parents often wear team jerseys with their child’s number. But it’s not about the jersey. It’s about the team. All humans desire to be a part of something. Better they wear team colors than gang colors. For many young men, these are the only two choices that they see. If a youngster has two left feet, can’t run, hit or throw, but wants to be on a team, let that youngster wear a jersey.
4. “I want to be the next…” – Next who? Shaq? Venus? Michael? It does not matter. When a child verbalizes a positive goal we must support it. Some children are innately blessed with intelligence, athleticism and confidence. They just need a place where they can show it all off. Sport gives them that stage…that arena where a youngster can begin to create a self- image, independent of her parents.
5. “My parents made me.” This is not the reason that you want to hear. While sports allow us a stage to perform, they also give us a place to rebel. Be very careful when “forcing” a child to “give it a try. What do you have to lose? Well, if parents are not careful, the child could lose self image and confidence. Proceed with caution here.
None of these reasons is on its face all bad or all good. A child, once having been ‘urged’ to play sports, may find that they have the capacity for leadership, strategy or the drive to excel and be the best. Something they can use outside of sports. I think this is pretty good. Don’t you?
When one of my younger sons was playing youth basketball, we would always see a teammate getting out of the family car, while his dad greeted me through the driver’s side with a “What’s up? Look, what time does the game end?” I would tell him in about two hours. Like clockwork the father would be there waiting to pickup his son two hours later. Many times I was tempted to say, “Hey man, don’t you want to come in and watch a few minutes of the game today?” But I thought that maybe the fellow just did not like sports.
Many adults reject sports today. The reasons can vary from “jock envy” to negative television images. Be that as it may, youth need your commitment when they are out there on the court or field. When they make that first basket or kick that winning goal, you should be there. They don’t get paid. Their only reward is looking through the crowd for your approval, your proud and smiling face – your love. It’s not only great for them, you feel pretty stoked yourself. For the first time in your life you see total strangers stand and cheer for your child. Your children see themselves as important to someone other than family. It sends a chill down my spine just thinking about it.
Be Involved
Involvement is more than just attending the games. There’s also making sure that your children arrive at practice. What about attending the fund raisers and bringing snacks? You see, Mom, when you sign your child up for sports, you sign your family up for sports. Being involved, getting to know the other parents on the team is one of the side benefits. You begin to develop relationships outside of the kids and sports. Your child sees what true commitment is. And there are other ways:
- Volunteer to drive kids to practice one week
- Be a part of the telephone chain for rainouts or game day changes
- Be an official, timekeeper, scorer or statistician
- Run the concession stand
- Write an article on the team for your work or school periodical.
- Fundraise for the team
- If you have medical training, volunteer to be on the sidelines with ice and a first aid setup each week.
These things set committed parents apart from the others. And they allow you to demonstrate a deep level of commitment, which is something children should see early. This way they see it in a fun environment.
Of course commitment also means parents exhibiting the best behavior possible. There is no time when bad language or out of control behavior is appropriate, even if the coach is a “big jerk.”
Get To Know The Coach
Ah, yes! The coach. First, remember that these people are volunteers. They are doing this because they love it. There are other things they could be doing with their time. Still, as noble as this sounds, you really should do your homework when it comes to coaches. Some parents actually never really meet the coach. Others do attempt to get to know him or her. Maybe not as a friend, but as someone you should know at least as well the child’s teacher. Some coaches give you their name, rank and serial number. Don’t be afraid to ask (or find out) any of the following:
- Ask for more than one contact number
- Ask about background, coaching style, are they coaching their own child
- Ask why she coaches (for free)
- Find out the importance of winning to the coach.
Does the coach like kids? You can look the plays up in a book, but none of this works for a coach if he or she does not genuinely like working with young people.
While there are great coaches, unfortunately there are some who have their own agendas, either for themselves or their own children. As with school, a parent who is at practice, at all the games is a good thing. Whenever possible, it can’t hurt to be seen by the coach. However, even if the coach is a great guy, he is the coach. Not the youngster’s dad or guardian. If he picks up your child for practice, and drops him off after games, he still is the coach. Single moms have been known to, sometimes unwittingly, develop a crush on the coach, because of how well he treats her son. Be careful. If you want to get the coach’s attention…do it after the season.
As a parent, you should be aware of all the rules. You should know where the headquarters of the sport is. Is it a private team or league or public? Who sponsors it? Who do you contact in case of a problem with a coach or an official? There are some persons who are coaching youth sports who should not be. Many have only a rudimentary understanding of the sport and how to build a winning team. Still, on a losing team your child can experience many character building episodes. The creator of a team’s emotional makeup is the coach. Get to know the coach. What is his behavior? If it’s positive, it will positively affect your child as such.
Now Mother, this article was not designed to chase you and your child away from sports. I guarantee that you will get more out of youth sports for you and your child. Making the professional ranks is in the dreams of many, but within the grasp of few. It’s a combination of skill, determination and luck. However, youth sports are a rich experience for all who participate. Parent and child.
Mike S. Easterling is a motivational speaker and author whose credits include Executive Producer of Not In Our League, an award-winning documentary on the Negro Baseball Leagues and a book for parents called Hey Coach!...Let My Kid Play! Mike grew up playing youth sports in his native Brooklyn, New York and, as an adult, coached Little League Sports and fathered two youth athletes. “These years are best when parents and kids can create and share great moments together.”
Click here to see a PDF of this magazine exert. To order a subscription to BWAC, visit our subscription page.
What's On?
CNN Special: Blacks in America
"Somebody who saw that special will be looking at me now, thinking that I am probably pregnant with twins for a man whose name I don’t know and looking to the welfare system to support me because it is obvious that a black man never would, right?!"